There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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