So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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