literally had 100 drinks last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
