I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You need a sexual gate keeper
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
