we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
