I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
