i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
