so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
