So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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