3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
