Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
