Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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