when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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