My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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