Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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