but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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