You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
