his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
