I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
