Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
