he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
