This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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