It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
