Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize