I think my fart just growled at me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
