She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
