Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
