went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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