Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
