its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
