My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize