Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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