Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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