Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
