so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize