I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
