I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
