i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
