My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
