Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
