honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh god it's open bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
