She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
