Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize