Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
