Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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