Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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