my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize