just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
