i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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