i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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