Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
