I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize