Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize