do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
two words: eviction party
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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