We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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