so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
