that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
