An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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