If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
