mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
