I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
