make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
