Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
