dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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