he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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