Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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