Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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