I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
