I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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