I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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