she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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