I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
