He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
