Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
