And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
