I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize