umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
