I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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