i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
