I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
