Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
