Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
