I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
