You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
