It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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