you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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