I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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