Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
