Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
