found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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