Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
And then he peed in my hair
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