Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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