If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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