No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
