whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
