i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
