I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
