well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
