You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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