Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
