I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize