hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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