My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
nutella sex= disaster
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
