How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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