Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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