So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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