So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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