I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
